October 16, 2025
FILM: IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU
DIRECTED BY: MARY BRONSTEIN
STARRING: ROSE BYRNE, CONAN O’BRIEN, DANIELLE MACDONALD
RATING: 3 out of 4 stars
By Dan Pal
I guess we’ve come out of the closet when depicting motherhood on film. Last year, Amy Adams played a frustrated mom in Nightbitch. Now comes the intense and relentless psychological study of a woman named Linda, played by Rose Byrne, who right from the start we see is troubled and, well, in deep shit. The first shots show her looking sad and exhausted. We find out her husband is away for several weeks while she takes care of her daughter who has an illness that is not immediately revealed. She’s got some kind of tube and needs to gain weight. Interestingly, we don’t actually see her face for much of the film. Is she diseased? A monster? She certainly has a LOT of needs which completely frazzle Linda. Then suddenly their apartment is filled with water and a giant hole opens up in the ceiling. All of this happens within the first 20 minutes of the film.
Byrne is pretty great in the role. I’ve been admiring her work on AppleTV’s Platonic with Seth Rogan. In it, she gets to demonstrate her comic chops while also the stressors and strains of being a wife, mother, and friend. Here, she goes full dramatic, on hyper drive as Linda’s situation gets worse and worse.
Did I mention she’s also a therapist and her therapist is played by a subdued Conan O’Brien? He’s also quite good in the role which calls for him to be frustrated with Linda AND to let off some steam at her. Linda also has a client, played by Danielle MacDonald, with her own mothering issues. Clearly the focus here is on mothers and perhaps those that should have never taken on the role. Neither of these women seem suited for the responsibility. It doesn’t help that the men in their lives appear distant and unaware of the pressures they are facing.
The fallen ceiling and subsequent hole seem to be symbols for how these women’s lives are falling apart around them. The fact that this hole is shaped like a womb and that there is a deluge of water that spills out may suggest “water breaking” before childbirth and the unending amount of stress it can wreak on some women. Linda’s daughter also has a tube which she must be fed through during much of the film. This also suggests the ongoing “feeding” a mother must provide for a child before birth. It’s refreshing, if disturbing, to see a film like this tackle the less than glamourous side of motherhood.
Byrne is shot in mostly tight close-ups emphasizing how closed in and almost strangled she is by her current lot in life. It’s actually kind of amazing how she manages to hold up for as long as she does. Her daughter’s cries for help are truly relentless. They’re heightened even more by the fact that we don’t see her face and therefore don’t have as much sympathy for the child than if we saw her as a sweet young girl. After a while though, watching and hearing all of this does get pretty tiring. Things continue to go from bad to worse for much of the film’s two hour running time making for a rough watch. That’s not to say there aren’t a lot of really great scenes and visual metaphors but it’s hard to keep watching something that is so incessantly disturbing.
While the actors across the board are very good throughout the film, including A$AP Rocky who plays Linda’s neighbor in a hotel she temporarily resides in, most of the characters don’t offer a lot of hope to mothers today. Therapists and caretakers are generally not depicted well, coming off as cold and often more concerned with their own needs, rules, and frustrations. As such, don’t expect the film to provide a lot of answers or solutions for mothers.
The reason to see the film is for Byrne’s performance which, if Academy members choose to stay connected to for the length of the film, should be Oscar-nominated. She goes places we haven’t seen before and she stays committed to Linda’s wild ride.
If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You opens in theaters this week.
FILM: IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU
DIRECTED BY: MARY BRONSTEIN
STARRING: ROSE BYRNE, CONAN O’BRIEN, DANIELLE MACDONALD
RATING: 3 out of 4 stars
By Dan Pal
I guess we’ve come out of the closet when depicting motherhood on film. Last year, Amy Adams played a frustrated mom in Nightbitch. Now comes the intense and relentless psychological study of a woman named Linda, played by Rose Byrne, who right from the start we see is troubled and, well, in deep shit. The first shots show her looking sad and exhausted. We find out her husband is away for several weeks while she takes care of her daughter who has an illness that is not immediately revealed. She’s got some kind of tube and needs to gain weight. Interestingly, we don’t actually see her face for much of the film. Is she diseased? A monster? She certainly has a LOT of needs which completely frazzle Linda. Then suddenly their apartment is filled with water and a giant hole opens up in the ceiling. All of this happens within the first 20 minutes of the film.
Byrne is pretty great in the role. I’ve been admiring her work on AppleTV’s Platonic with Seth Rogan. In it, she gets to demonstrate her comic chops while also the stressors and strains of being a wife, mother, and friend. Here, she goes full dramatic, on hyper drive as Linda’s situation gets worse and worse.
Did I mention she’s also a therapist and her therapist is played by a subdued Conan O’Brien? He’s also quite good in the role which calls for him to be frustrated with Linda AND to let off some steam at her. Linda also has a client, played by Danielle MacDonald, with her own mothering issues. Clearly the focus here is on mothers and perhaps those that should have never taken on the role. Neither of these women seem suited for the responsibility. It doesn’t help that the men in their lives appear distant and unaware of the pressures they are facing.
The fallen ceiling and subsequent hole seem to be symbols for how these women’s lives are falling apart around them. The fact that this hole is shaped like a womb and that there is a deluge of water that spills out may suggest “water breaking” before childbirth and the unending amount of stress it can wreak on some women. Linda’s daughter also has a tube which she must be fed through during much of the film. This also suggests the ongoing “feeding” a mother must provide for a child before birth. It’s refreshing, if disturbing, to see a film like this tackle the less than glamourous side of motherhood.
Byrne is shot in mostly tight close-ups emphasizing how closed in and almost strangled she is by her current lot in life. It’s actually kind of amazing how she manages to hold up for as long as she does. Her daughter’s cries for help are truly relentless. They’re heightened even more by the fact that we don’t see her face and therefore don’t have as much sympathy for the child than if we saw her as a sweet young girl. After a while though, watching and hearing all of this does get pretty tiring. Things continue to go from bad to worse for much of the film’s two hour running time making for a rough watch. That’s not to say there aren’t a lot of really great scenes and visual metaphors but it’s hard to keep watching something that is so incessantly disturbing.
While the actors across the board are very good throughout the film, including A$AP Rocky who plays Linda’s neighbor in a hotel she temporarily resides in, most of the characters don’t offer a lot of hope to mothers today. Therapists and caretakers are generally not depicted well, coming off as cold and often more concerned with their own needs, rules, and frustrations. As such, don’t expect the film to provide a lot of answers or solutions for mothers.
The reason to see the film is for Byrne’s performance which, if Academy members choose to stay connected to for the length of the film, should be Oscar-nominated. She goes places we haven’t seen before and she stays committed to Linda’s wild ride.
If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You opens in theaters this week.